


Second Lead Syndrome

by lucky13cat



Category: Golden Child (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Heartsick Daeyeol, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sungyoon is kind of the bad guy to begin with?, soft daeyeol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:35:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24549229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucky13cat/pseuds/lucky13cat
Summary: Daeyeol has loved Sungyoon for years, but he's finally lost hope.
Relationships: Choi Sungyoon | Y/Lee Daeyeol, One-Sided (for now) - Relationship
Comments: 7
Kudos: 33





	1. Heartbreak and Heartache

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This has been in my head since Golden Child got eliminated (imma fight Msnake fr why is there freaking elimination?!) on RTK because I saw Daeyeol pain and went oh, oh you could make a lovely angst story from this. That combined with the lack of angsty Daeyeol fics on here brought us to this exact moment.  
> Yes, I am calling Daeyeol a second romantic lead because in this fic he feels the pain we all see in all the second male leads who don't end up with the protag. Enjoy!

“Why can’t you look at me the way I look at you!” Daeyeol screams across the rooftop. He wipes angrily at the tears in his eyes, unwilling to be weak in the face of his feelings. “I’m here Sungyoon! I’ve been here! Every breakup, every partner, and every date that you’ve dealt with, and I’ve been there to wipe your tears and heal your heart until the next person comes along where you ditch me!”

“Daeyeol…” Sungyoon reaches out as if to hold Daeyeol, but Daeyeol flinches away from his hands. He doesn’t want his pity, he doesn’t want anything from him anymore. The night breeze ruffles his hair as he steps away from Sungyoon.

“I’ve spent years giving you my heart, years Sungyoon! You get your heart broken and let me mend it for the next person. I’ve let you string me along every time you were available because I dreamed that this would finally be the time you saw me. Saw how much I loved you.” Daeyeol buries his face into his hands with an aggravated scream. He takes a few calming breaths in to collect himself. “And every time you came back to me so happy about some guy you met at the library or some girl you stumbled into getting coffee. And… and I bury my feelings because I know I’m not the one you want or the one that makes you happy.”

Sungyoon opens his mouth to speak, but Daeyeol cuts him off. He needs to get through what he has to say first or he’ll never build up the courage again. Daeyeol wants to be selfish here for once.

“But I’m sick of it Sungyoon!” Daeyeol tries to blink back his tears. He curls his hands into the sleeves of his sweater building his confidence. “I deserve love and happiness too, even if they don’t involve you. I deserve better than what you deign to give, but it hurts because as much as I realize and understand you’ll never love me the same way, I just can’t stop loving you. And that’s my fault.”

Daeyeol sniffles and wipes away that latest stream of tears. He doesn’t dare look at Sungyoon. He’s known how to read his best friend like a book for years, and he couldn’t bear it if he saw what Sungyoon was feeling here. He’d crumble despite his resolution not to. So, his eyes stayed averted and his voice trembled as he spoke, knowing he was breaking Sungyoon’s heart as well as his own.

“Since I can’t stop loving you, and you can’t start loving me, I’ve decided to leave.” Daeyeol flinches at the angry shouts at his declaration finally remembering that their friends were there as well watching. He straightens his spine and speaks to Sungyoon without looking directly at him. “A few months back, I was offered a scholarship to spend a year as part of an exchange program with the university’s sister school in Hong Kong. This is an amazing opportunity for me, and I can’t turn it down.”

Daeyeol dares to look up and meet the eyes of his friends. Bomin’s crying as he clings Jibeom while Jangjun tries to keep control of the rest of the boys. Daeyeol feels terrible about what he’s doing to them, but tonight’s his last chance.

“My flight’s in two days, and I wanted to be honest before I left.” Daeyeol tries to send his deep regret towards his friends, but he knows his words are hurting them. This is where he loses them, he knows it. He’s made peace with that. “I’m sorry, but for once I have to think about what’s best for me.”

Daeyeol turns around and grabs his backpack. The door to leave the rooftop is right in front of him, but Daeyeol pauses before he opens the door. Without turning around, Daeyeol speaks, voice thick with tears.

“This was never about forcing your love Sungyoon. I just wanted you happy, but I can’t exchange my happiness for yours anymore. It’s too much. I’m sorry. Goodbye.”

Daeyeol pulls the door open, the only sound on the rooftop the groaning of the old door. The race down the stairs is fueled by the tears streaming down his face and the panic that someone will follow him. Or maybe it’s the heartbreak that no one will follow him. He’s not sure.

Somehow Daeyeol makes it to his car before he breaks down completely into heaving sobs. His hands shake as he places them onto the steering wheel. He’s in no shape to drive, but there’s no way he’d be able to catch a bus at this hour. The driver would take one look at him in his state and kick him off.

A sob breaks free as he clutches the wheel. He hunches forward, shoulders curling in on himself as he lets everything out. Tears run down his cheeks, but he can’t unclench his hands to wipe them away. They’re tight to the wheel, white-knuckled and stuck.

His chest starts to feel tight, and his breaths come out in rapid bursts. He knows air is coming in, but hysterically, he still thinks he can’t breathe. No matter how desperately he tries to convince himself that he’s breathing, he can’t. The world narrows down to that one point, and Daeyeol’s losing it.

Sungyoon… Daeyeol needs Sungyoon. He’s always there for the worst of Daeyeol’s panic attacks with soft words and a calming presence because it’s Sungyoon, and everything in Daeyeol’s life is better with Sungyoon. But Sungyoon was never going to come near him again.

Daeyeol taps his forehead against the wheel trying to slow his breathing. His chest heaves trying to draw air in, but there’s a disconnect somewhere in his head forcing the belief that he can’t breathe. He tries to think. He knows that he’s having a panic attack. He needs something to distract himself, break his headspace.

Music. The radio.

His hands don’t seem to be connected to his brain anymore, but Daeyeol just forces himself to breathe. His panic is fueled by his lack of control.

Against his own will, Daeyeol imagines what Sungyoon would say, what he would do to calm Daeyeol down. Sungyoon’s voice filters through the panic, and slowly his hands unclench from the wheel. Daeyeol gropes around for his keys with shaking hands. He slams the keys into the ignition and turns them. The car jolts to life.

The radio blasts on pouring out one of the latest songs from some idol group Sungyoon’s been obsessed with for the past few weeks. This time the thought of Sungyoon, the memory of him just standing there on the rooftop as Daeyeol poured his heart out, freezes Daeyeol’s lungs, and he slams the button to change the station to something else. A classical station blares to life on his radio, and Daeyeol loses himself in the music slowly regulating his breathing as he works himself out of his panic.

What feels like hours later, Daeyeol manages to pull himself together enough to reach for his phone. He's past the worst of it, but his heart is still pounding against his ribs, desperate to get out and away from him.

He screws up his password three times before he finally unlocks it. He manages to pull up his contacts and calls the one person left he knows will pick up. He presses the phone to his ear, still shaking from the after-effects of the panic attack.

“Daeyeol? Do you know what time it is?” Daeyeol bites his lip against the sob building up in his chest. He feels like a small child again dizzy from his first panic attack and desperate for the comfort only his older brother could provide.

“Sungyeol, I need you to come get me. I told Sungyoon, hyung. I told him everything, and it hurts. It really, really hurts.”


	2. Morning after heartbreak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This was supposed to be uploaded last week, but then I hated part of what I wrote which made me ignore it all for a bit until finally I slammed out an extra like two hundred words. I'm still not happy with the ending, but in honor of Golden Child's comeback (though its still a bit late) I'm giving you all an update as a gift!
> 
> Don't forget to stream, vote, and support!!!

Daeyeol hates morning after panic attacks. He wakes up groggy and strung out as if he’d never gone to sleep, and the feeling hangs over him as a dense fog for the rest of the day. He’s never been able to track the logic of it despite the countless doctors trying to explain it. All he knows is that even though its been hours since his heart stopped fighting to get out of his chest, the pain still exists there beneath his ribs. His world still shakes.

Or at least it does until he sees Sungyoon.

Sungyoon had the ability to look directly at Daeyeol and see what no one else could see, even if they tried. He could see everything, well almost everything, right down to Daeyeol’s soul and respond accordingly. It's part of what made Daeyeol love Sungyoon so much. Sungyoon cared for those around him not because he wanted recognition, but because to him, helping someone was as natural as breathing. It was an action meant to happen without any forethought.

This morning Daeyeol wakes up slowly and excruciatingly. His head pounds with each heartbeat and his lungs feel raw and scraped up. Everything hurts. But, for a moment, Daeyeol forgets what happened the night before. He forgets what brought him to this place and time. Only just a moment though.

For just one moment, Sungyoon is still his best friend. He’s still the one person Daeyeol can call on a morning like this and feel better. For just a moment everything is still right with the world and the sun shines happily. Still in that moment, Daeyeol’s hand reaches out to his bedside table without a thought to call Sungyoon and bring him here so Daeyeol can hide beneath the covers and Sungyoon’s radiant smile.

But then the worlds tilts and it all comes rushing back.

Daeyeol’s grasp on his phone weakens, and it clatters to the floor as it all comes rushing back to him. He remembers his confession, Sungyoon’s silence, and then Sungyeol picking him up. He remembers the agony and heartbreak anew, and Daeyeol screws his eyes shut and pulls at his hair. The sharp pain fails to ground him as flashes of the night before play forward as if they were scenes from some macabre drama with Daeyeol as the fool that thought they were destined for happiness.

He’d told Sungyoon. He’d actually done it. He’d said out loud that he was desperately in love with Sungyoon, the one person who would never love him the same way. He’d put away his insecurities and gathered his courage, and all it had done was destroy the one thing Daeyeol never thought he could lose.

“Daeyeol?! Daeyeol! Hey, hey, hey, let go of your hair. Daeyeol, I’m here. You need to breathe and let go okay? Come on baby brother you gotta let me help you. Can I touch you?”

Daeyeol hears his older brother drop down beside him and nods slowly. He doesn’t want anyone but Sungyoon, but even he knows that he needs to accept Sungyeol’s help. Sungyeol tries to gently unfurl Daeyeol’s finger from his hair, gently whispering to him that _he’s here_ and _sh, sh it’s okay_ , but Daeyeol refuses to exist in a world where Sungyoon isn’t the one murmuring for him to come back out of his head.

“Daeyeol, you need to work with me. I know you want Sungyoon here, and I know it hurts being without him. But you can’t throw away your health. No one wants you to hurt yourself. Please.” Sungyeol’s voice is a faint whisper above Daeyeol as he burrows into his older brother’s chest. Sungyeol kneels in front of Daeyeol wincing at the painful whimpers his baby brother tries to hide.

“I-I can’t.” Daeyeol whimpers, digging his fingers into his scalp with greater strength than before. “I screwed up everything. Sungyoon hates me for what I did. I broke everything, everything. They all probably hate me after what I did.”

“You didn’t screw up anything.” Sungyeol’s voice is firm but comforting, leaving little room for argument. “You are allowed to have feelings Daeyeol, and you are also allowed to have moments where you put your feelings above others. Sungyoon and the others will understand that. They’ll understand your emotions, just like you understood theirs in the past. Now come here.”

Sungyeol allows Daeyeol to practically crawl into his lap even though Daeyeol is entirely too tall and too old for it. Despite what others see, Sungyeol cares deeply for his little brother and in private isn’t afraid to show his affection. They sit there quietly as the morning officially gets started and the world around them wakes up. Sungyeol hums quietly and runs a hand down Daeyeol’s back as his brother slowly calms down.

Sungyeol thinks about lulling Daeyeol back to sleep and finding Sungyoon to either scare the crap out of the boy that dared break his brother’s heart or drag him to Daeyeol’s side to fix every little piece of his brother that he broke.

In his opinion, no one was good enough for his little brother and his amazing heart, let alone to break his heart, and Sungyeol wants to show exactly why doing so was the worst possible decision. But then Daeyeol finally pulls his fingers from his hair with a soft whimper and allows Sungyeol to see the cuts on his scalp from his fingernails, and Sungyeol immediately tosses the idea. Daeyeol couldn’t be alone right then, and Sungyeol knows how angry his brother would get at him for harming a single hair on Sungyoon’s head.

A sad-eyed, pouty Daeyeol was harder to console and deal with than a panicked one. Especially since Sungyeol refused on principle to give in to his brother being cute.

After carefully checking over his brother to make sure he’s okay, Sungyeol finally pulls away from Daeyeol. His knees hurt from how he’d been sitting, but he just stretches them out before him as he inspects Daeyeol. He’s going to hurt when he stands up which means he’ll have to pretend he isn’t getting old while also ignoring Daeyeol’s need to point out that he’s getting old.

“I’ve got coffee in the kitchen and enough food to feed ten of you. If you’re good, I may even let you have more than one cup.” Sungyeol pats his brother’s head as if he were a puppy, and Daeyeol huffs at him. Sungyeols smothers a smile, happy that his brother is well enough to respond to Sungyeol’s antics.

Daeyeol follows Sungyeol into his kitchen. Daeyeol heads straight for the cabinets to pull down a mug and grab his coffee. He prepares his cup of coffee and then Sungyeol’s. Sungyeol puts a plate next to Daeyeol’s mug with a commanding look, and Daeyeol peacefully passes his brother his coffee and digs in. He knows when to allow his brother to take control. The two brothers eat in a comfortable and helping silence.

Daeyeol knows this is just the calm before the storm and that Sungyeol is giving him some quiet time to decompress after a near panic attack, but he still enjoys it. He gets very little time with Sungyeol because of their separate lives, and since he’s off to Hong Kong for at least a year, this will be the last bit of quiet time Daeyeol will have with his brother for a while. A quiet breakfast together is the best way to settle nerves on both sides before delving into anything.

Sungyeol lazily scrolls through his phone as he sips at the last of his coffee. He answers a few texts from Myungsoo about Daeyeol, sneaking glances at his brother as he does so, and ignores a text from a number he knows should not be contacting him.

Sungyoon. The reason his brother was a shattered mess of a man.

Before now Sungyeol had been fine with his brother’s choice of best friend and crush. Sungyoon was someone who took care of others, and he kept Daeyeol happy and smiling, which was perhaps the best trait a person could have in Sungyeol’s opinion. There was little to truly complain about. He hadn’t liked how Daeyeol’s smile dimmed every time he told Sungyeol about Sungyoon’s latest fling, but Sungyeol had long since learned to not comment on it unless Daeyeol brought it up first.

Now, after everything he’d done and failed to do, Sungyoon dared to text Sungyeol. The audacity that the person who had broken Daeyeol’s heart would text Sungyeol was too much. A burst of anger settled into Sungyeol’s heart as he steadfastly ignored Sungyoon’s text. He hadn’t dared to call Sungyeol, probably knew that Sungyeol would have done the best he could to murder the younger over the phone if he had. But, the audacity of the younger’s actions still left Sungyeol feeling angrier than he wanted to be as he tried to deal with an emotionally devastated little brother.

Sungyeol debated how to approach Daeyeol about the night before. When he’d picked up his brother it hadn’t been pretty, and he wasn’t willing to bring up anything that could drag Daeyeol back into the shuddering, crying ball he’d been last night. Especially after what had just happened in the bedroom. Daeyeol was a strong but sensitive person, and right now his walls were crumbling.

God, how the hell was Daeyeol expecting anyone to let him go to Hong Kong for a year?

“I know,” Daeyeol started as he stared down into his coffee mug. “I know I need to talk about all of this. About Sungyoon and the exchange trip, everything and more.”

Daeyeol sighed and ran a hand through his hair, wincing when he accidentally ran over the marks his nails had left. Sungyeol reigned in the urge to check the cuts again, letting Daeyeol work himself through what he wanted to say.

“I haven’t had two… episodes like this in a long time, and I get that sending me off is the last thing you want to do.” Daeyeol finally looked up from his coffee and met Sungyeol’s eyes. “But I think this is how I get better. I’ll be somewhere new where I can focus on myself and my future. And I know that this could be seen as me running away from my problems, but I’m not running away, not fully at least. I’m coming back, and I’ll be able to move on before I do.”

Sungyeol sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. His little brother sure knew how to twist his life into knots.

“I know you aren’t running away Daeyeol, but I also know that you won’t have a support system there. You’ll be on your own, and knowing you, you’ll be worrying about your problems back home instead of living your life.” Sungyeol reached out and gently took his brother’s hand. “I know you won’t back out of the program, you shouldn’t, but I also know that you internalize everything because you don’t want to burden others. But that’s not possible anymore Daeyeol, not if you want to move past all of this.”

Sungyeol’s phone buzzes on the countertop, but he ignores it as he leans closer to his younger brother.

“You have to promise me, Daeyeol, that you won’t just ditch your problems here. Go off to Hong Kong for a year but don’t leave any loose ends while you’re gone. Stay in contact, not just with me, Mom, and Dad, but with your friends here as well.” Daeyeol opened his mouth but Sungyeol held up a hand to stop him. He seldom told Daeyeol how to live his life, preferring to let the other grow and solve his own problems, so right now he was going to have to listen and learn.

“You didn’t ruin anything last night Daeyeol. You dumped a lot on them all sure, shocking them all in the process no doubt, but if they’re truly worth your time, they’ll hear you out if you try to talk. If not, then you can say you tried and move on with your life knowing you had an active role until the end.”

“You’re right. I need to let them speak and respond to everything I said. I’ll call Jangjun once I’m back at my apartment and see what I can do to fix things. And I’ll need to make sure Bomin is okay. I hurt him, hurt them all really, last night.” Daeyeol groaned as he laid his head onto the table. “They deserve more than all of this.”

Sungyeol reached out to pat his little brother’s head in a mix of mock sympathy and real love. Daeyeol turned his head to glare at his elder brother, which was totally undercut by the way Daeyeol leaned into his brother’s touch demanding more affection.

“Since when did you get so mature and verbose? I thought I was the university student and you were the idol.” Daeyeol’s cheeky smile accompanied his statement.

“Hey!” Sungyeol flicked the back of his brother’s neck before softly patting at the messy hair on his neck. “I’m gonna let that slide because you’ve had a rough night, but for your information, I’ve always been this awesome. You were just to blind to see it.”

“Yeah blinded by your ego.” Daeyeol snorted before quickly ducking away from Sungyeol’s next flick.

“Watch yourself, or this ego won’t drop you off at the airport tomorrow.” Sungyeol ignored Daeyeol’s pout by turning his attention to his phone, which was still buzzing incessantly. “Now help me clean up. We still have to go move the last of your junk out of your apartment.”

Daeyeol rolled his eyes at Sungyeol but listened to his brother’s command. As Daeyeol slowly started gathering up the dishes, Sungyeol checks his phone before nearly dropping it when he saw who was blowing up his phone.

Sungyoon.

Sungyeol glanced over at his brother who was silently cleaning up their breakfast, no doubt working over a thousand different conversations he needed to have, and moved away from the counter. Daeyeol glanced over at him but a quick motion to his phone proved to be enough to quell his curiosity.

Sungyeol stepped out of his kitchen and beelined it to his bedroom before he accepted the call. An angry buzz settled beneath his skin as he did so.

“You have some nerve calling me.” Sungyeol said in lieu of greeting the younger.

“Sungyeol, are you with Daeyeol?” Sungyoon’s voice was frantic, and the display of emotion only fueled the raging anger within Sungyeol. “He didn’t go home last night, and his car hasn’t moved. No one has heard from him, and we’re starting to lose it. Please say he’s with you, please.”

“And, pray tell, why should I tell you a damn thing?” Sungyeol seethed. “Haven’t you hurt him enough Sungyoon?”

“Please, please I need to talk to him. I need to set things right, apologize.” Sungyoon begged across the line. “He ran away last night before I could say anything. He needs to hear my response.”

“What is there for you to say Sungyoon? That you love him? That you understand his feelings? You don’t. And even if you did, right now is not the time. You fucked up, a lot, and that’s not something a confession can fix. This situation is not about you, it's about Daeyeol and what he needs.”

Sungyeol peeks outside his door to make sure Daeyeol is still in the kitchen cleaning. Once he spots Daeyeol, calmly in his own world, he turns back to his phone.

“Fuck Sungyoon, you hurt him, and he still loves you with his entire heart. That’s how sad this situation is. If you came up to Daeyeol today and confessed to him alongside a simple apology he would take you back. But that’s not healthy, and he needs to figure himself out. You coming in is not what’s best for him.”

“Sungyeol, please,” Sungyoon starts, voice thick with heartbreak and sorrow. “I have never once in my life wanted to hurt Daeyeol, and I know that doesn’t mean anything in the face of everything that has happened. But, Daeyeol-.”

“What are you doing?”

Sungyeol spins around to face his doorway, blood going cold. Daeyeol glares at him as strides into the room.

“Daeyeol, go back outside.” Sungyeol pulls himself away from his brother, holding the phone just out of reach.

“No.” Daeyeol jabs at his side and reaches for the phone. Sungyeol sidesteps his jab and ignores Sungyoon’s voice still speaking. “Sungyeol give me the phone now.”

“No, this is not up for discussion. Sungyoon screw off and good-bye.” Sungyeol calls into the phone as he hangs up. Sungyoon tries to say something before the line disconnects, but Sungyeol is too quick to end the call.

Sungyeol pockets his phone and turns to face his brother head-on. Daeyeol is glaring at him, angry and self-righteous.

“He deserved it.” Is all Sungyeol can say before Daeyeol tackles him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sungyeol is such a tricky person for me to write, so hopefully he isn't too out of character here.
> 
> Please keep the comments coming they seriously give me so much inspiration!

**Author's Note:**

> This will have a couple of parts, I'm debating whether I want Daeyoon to actually get together. I love their dynamic, and I want to explore how Daeyeol could grow to a better love with Sungyoon. But, also I've kind of set it up for Sungyoon to be the bad (not necessarily bad bad but not 100% loved you know) guy, so having them together could destroy some character growth.
> 
> Tell me what y'all want to see happen!! PLEASE I want ideas and thoughts!


End file.
